And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Randomize
