ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
