Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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