And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
