Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
