Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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