So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
