These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
