Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
