at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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