I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
