Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
