why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
