I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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