Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
