It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
