I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
