Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
