Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
