Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
