Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
