Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize