You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
