like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
