She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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