where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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