wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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