You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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