There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
