Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
