WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
