I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
