You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
