new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
