you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
