There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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