Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
