Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
