Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
