so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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