The maid of honor just puked.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
