yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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