I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
