oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
