our cab driver is having phone sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
