I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
