okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
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