Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
