sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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