If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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