Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
