Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
