There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
