So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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