Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize