i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
