I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
