just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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