Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
