There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
