im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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