Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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