i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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