she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
