she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
