Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
