WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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