i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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