so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
