i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
