I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
