the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
