If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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