He uses pillows to masturbate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
