seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
