My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
