I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize