I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
