ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
