So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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