if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
