Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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