Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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