Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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