I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize