We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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