hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
