i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
