I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
