I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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