you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
