I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize