Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
