I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
