in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
