I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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